Revelations and Resignations
by racefh853629
Summary: One-shot. After a rough day, Reid finds himself at home... and ends up with an unwanted visitor.


A/N: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS, or any other known entity. This is my first Criminal Minds story, too. The challenge over at the FCG: The story must include the line "I just don't know" or the line "Shake it like a Poloroid Picture", must be between 990 and 9,990 words, be greater than K+ and less than MA in rating, involve a fight, and involve a secret. It also must include 2 song lyrics that were chosen off of a list. The ones I used were, "to see the secrets so few eyes have seen" and "I'm sorry for the things I've said, and the things I forgot to say too." I hope you guys enjoy this story, and please review. :)

* * *

Revelations and Resignations

Reid sat quietly on his couch, staring at his blank wall. He was trying to gather his scattered thoughts into one coherent process, but was failing miserably. His mind was racing so fast his body was shaking. It was terrifying to him that his thoughts could be so discombobulated that they could make his entire body tremble, because it wasn't normal.

Then again, today hadn't been normal.

Reid violently shook his head. Days like this happened to profilers. He had seen that in his years of doing this job. Statistically, they were no less likely to have cases that got to them than any other police officer or CSI technicians.

That didn't make it any easier, though.

There was a soft knock on his front door, and Reid sighed. He wasn't about to get up to answer it. Not while he was still shaking from his thoughts. He didn't respond either, not really up for having visitors.

His visitor had other ideas, though.

He closed his eyes to the sound of his front door opening, and heard his visitor sigh. "You know, if you don't want visitors, you shouldn't leave your front door unlocked," he said.

"Didn't expect anyone to come over," Reid replied.

"Did you think we wouldn't check on you after today?"

Reid shrugged, opening his eyes. "I was hoping not."

Rossi moved into Reid's field of vision, sitting on the chair beside his couch. "Why's that?" he asked the young profiler.

"Because I don't want to talk about it," Reid replied.

"We don't have to talk about anything."

Reid watched with skepticism as Rossi leaned back in the chair, relaxing. When the older man didn't say anything and had just closed his eyes, Reid relaxed a bit with a sigh.

"Just answer me one question and we can go back to just sitting here," Rossi said.

"Okay," Reid replied.

"How're you feeling physically?"

Reid hadn't thought about that, having been too lost in his own mind over the day's happenings. Yet as soon as Rossi had said something, he was hit with pangs of pain, wincing as they crashed over him. It was as if the dam had broken, and now he was well aware of every bruise, every cut, and every broken bone. Reid took a few shaky breaths, trying to will the pain away enough to answer.

Rossi handed Reid a glass of water and some ibuprofen, which Reid took gratefully. Both Reid and the doctors hadn't wanted Reid to have any narcotic analgesics, given his Dilaudid addiction a few years before. After the spasms of pain subsided, Reid watched as Rossi settled back onto the chair he had been occupying earlier.

"Thanks," Reid said softly.

"You're welcome," Rossi replied, closing his eyes.

They fell silent for a little while until Reid sighed heavily. "I know this happens," he said faintly. Rossi looked over. "But… I don't know."

"It's in the nature of our job," Rossi said. "We're here to see the secrets so few eyes have seen. But we can't see all of them. And even when we know the unsub has an end game, we can't be sure what it is until it starts."

"I just don't understand," Reid admitted softly. "Looking at the situation, I should've been the last person the unsub asked for to enter the room. I'm not the best negotiator, I ramble when I'm nervous, I talk in statistics, I have no pull or power with negotiations… I should've known that it was a trap."

"Some things can't be explained by rational thought, especially with an unsub. If nothing else, that's the one thing we learn on this job."

"But asking for me… that's so… irrational, beyond any unsub before."

Rossi sighed quietly, looking Reid in the eye. "You think Tobias Hankel was rational when he kidnapped you?" he asked thoughtfully.

Reid bit his lip, recalling the memory of the time spent in the shack before furrowing his brow. "How did you…" Reid began to ask.

"I heard about the case," Rossi explained.

Reid nodded, seemingly satisfied with that explanation. "He was suffering from multiple personality disorder."

"But was he rational?"

Reid paused, thinking. "No, not one of his personalities was rational."

"We chase some of the most abhorrent people in the world- those who've snapped in some aspect of their lives and have either started killing people, setting fired, raping people, or some combination of all of these. Not one of them is ever to be trusted as a rational person. We can try to understand how they work, but we can never fully trust that everything we know is right."

Reid sighed, nodding.

"I know I'm preaching to the choir," Rossi said.

"Every once in a while, I need to be reminded of that," Reid replied, closing his eyes. He sighed heavily again, looking over to Rossi. "I'm afraid," Reid admitted quietly after a moment.

"What are you afraid of?" Rossi asked gently, tilting his head.

"Last time… with Hankel… I got really messed up. And… I don't want that to happen again, but… I'm scared it will."

"You know we're all here for you. You're always able to talk to any of us, and every one of us will listen."

Reid nodded. "I know that. I just… I guess I want you guys to think that… that I can handle this job…"

"I'm going to be honest here, kid. You've gone through worse things in this job than anyone else on the team. And you're still here, you still come into work, and you deal with it. A lot of us admire you for that. Hotch told me about how much you've changed since you started, and how you've got a thicker skin now."

Reid nodded before furrowing his brow in confusion. "Why was Hotch talking about me to you?"

"When I first came out of retirement to join you guys, I was concerned about you," Rossi explained. "I had an agent that was sort of like you join the team when I worked here the first time. He killed himself after three months in this job, and that made me worry about you. When Hotch had told me that you had already been here for a few years and about how much you'd changed and adapted, I wasn't worried anymore."

"You have to still be concerned about me if you're always the one who shows up when something goes wrong," Reid reasoned.

Rossi was about to respond when Reid smirked and started talking again.

"Actually, I take that back," Reid said. "You're the one that shows up because Hotch doesn't exactly know how to deal with the emotions and the other stuff this job brings up."

Rossi smiled at that. "That's true," he agreed. "And I worry equally about all of you when things like this happen to you guys. I just came from JJ's."

"Yeah, I know." Reid sighed, closing his eyes. After a moment, he looked over to Rossi again. "I don't know, Rossi. I just don't know."

"Why don't you talk it out, kid?" Rossi offered. "Might help."

Reid nodded, closing his eyes. "I got in there, and the-the unsub was behind the door. JJ was… was tied up and gagged, but unharmed. I-I asked him to, at the very least, untie her. I said that he'd never get anything i-if he didn't. So… he did. When… when he found out that he really wasn't going to get anything from us, he threatened to kill JJ by beating her to death… I-I stepped in. I wouldn't let him hurt her… she's got m-my godson Henry at home, ya know?"

Rossi nodded, giving Reid a small smile.

Reid sighed. "I-I fought back," he said.

"Yeah, I know," Rossi answered.

"I-I wasn't going to go down without a fight. I had enough of that in high school."

Rossi nodded sadly, looking downward slightly.

"I'm sorry," Reid said. "I don't mean to make things awkward."

"No, it's not that," Rossi told him. "I'm just… in awe."

"I was 12 when I graduated high school. I really hadn't learned how to stand up for myself by then, but promised I would."

"I can imagine."

"I think that's part of what worries me," Reid revealed finally. "I mean, look at this unsub. He had been bullied all throughout school, and… look at what he did. We see it all the time, unsubs with family histories of psychiatric disorders, and my mother's schizophrenic."

"Genetics and environment can be overcome," Rossi said. "Just because your father's diabetic and you eat a lot of sugar doesn't necessarily mean you're going to develop diabetes. They're risk factors, but they're not definitely going to make you sick."

"True. But I feel like I fight this battle every day and I don't even know it."

"You're not fighting the battle, Reid. You're winning it."

"For now," Reid said.

"Hey," Rossi quietly exclaimed, getting Reid's attention. "You're not like them."

"I'm a child prodigy with 3 Ph.D.s, a few Bachelor's degrees, and a family history of psychiatric disease. What makes you so sure I won't snap?"

"Because you have a moral conscience. The people we chase either never had one or they lost theirs. I'm sure that you will never lose yours."

"But if I start hearing voices…" Reid stated, his voice trailing off.

Rossi sighed, knowing that Reid didn't have to finish that statement. If Reid did develop schizophrenia, there was no concrete way of telling what he would do.

"And as much as I'd like to think that I don't have to worry about that…" Reid said, sighing. "I'm like a ticking time bomb. I could go off at any minute. And every time something like this happens… I'm afraid I get closer to that breaking point."

Rossi nodded, leaning forward and patting Reid on the leg. "I don't think you are," Rossi explained. "I think that each time something like this happens, you learn more about yourself. With each case, you see what these things do to families. To others. And your moral conscience gets stronger. I think you'd be okay."

"It's like you said, though. There's nothing rational about it, and there's no way of telling what'll happen."

"Has your mother ever tried killing anyone?"

"No, but she didn't get beat up in high school, either."

"You've learned to move on from that, Reid. If it was going to affect you and make you violent, it would have most likely already done so."

"I guess you're right." Reid sighed, closing his eyes. "It's just hard sometimes. I'm afraid of my own mind."

"It's not easy," Rossi agreed. "And I can't tell you anything that might make you feel better, because it wouldn't be true. But I can tell you that any time you feel like something's not right, you can call me and we'll talk it out. Any time, day or night."

"I appreciate that," Reid said softly. He sighed inaudibly, closing his eyes again. "I, uh, I think I might head to bed."

"Okay." Rossi stood up, walking over and patting Reid's shoulder. "Stay tough, kid. You're doing a good job."

"Thanks."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Reid nodded, watching as Rossi walked out the door. As soon as the door closed, Reid sighed heavily, closing his eyes. He let the silence of the room engulf him before whispering faintly, "Lord, I'm sorry for the things I've done, and the things I forgot to do. I'm sorry for the things I've said, and the things I forgot to say, too. I know I'm powerless when it comes to my addiction, which is why I turn to you for help. Don't let me slip down that slope again…"

The End.


End file.
